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Blog under construction. someone is ruining it! hahaha ! KIDDING~ .

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to ashkie: We got together. Surreal, bizzare, but we were finally together. What we thought was a tragic love story actually brought us together as one. I did have my insecurities as well. A lot of them, in fact. One of my deepest fears was that you would mind my socioeconomic status when you first came over. I was afraid I'm too much of a home guy for you. I was afraid you would be bored of me. Even when I was young around your age, my life was extremely mundane. My family background is pretty complicated and messed up. I don't exactly have a 10/10 relationship with my mum. Although I'm working, there are bills I have to pay, money I had to save for a possible future to get out of this hole; I was afraid I can't give you enough. Due to our gap and the different phases that we're in, I'm worried that you might feel lonely. I sometimes do need to recharge alone, and I was worried you might feel left out. I sometimes feel a little jelly when you're out, o...
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thoughts

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after this period of being alone, i'd realise too late, how much i was in love with you back then, and still am. a pity that i didnt express it enough to you. i do want to woo you again, but i dont know if it's something i've done or didnt do/try enough, as it seems like you're done with us. maybe it was since a long time back and its just me being silly, and that's okay. the only difference between now and when we broke up is probably just the acceptance that brooding wont bring you back. one of the reasons i wanted the break up was for you to be independent, and i'm really proud that you're making tremendous progress, like doing things that interests you, making new connections, achieving your own goals. most importantly, you seem happy. and i can make do with that. they say time heals, but fuck that. i will still love you madly everyday. i will miss you like crazy every passing moment. i will regret the chances i threw, and not letting you know how much i...
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to ashkie: There's so many things I wanted to tell you. These past few days I wanted to say how much I miss you. I wish that I could just walk up to you, hug you, and leave everything behind me. And that is what I would want to do if we get back together again. My 101%, all in you. I want to text you. I want to know how you're doing. I want to be there for you and listen to you when your tears flow. I want to call you and cry about how much I died inside today, and the days to come; how I really, really missed you. But I hope you would take this time to think it through as well. With all the things I'd done, someone like me isn't really worth it. At this very moment, you may feel you might never find someone like me again. You may be right; I thought the same way a decade ago too, but someone better will definitely come along. I sincerely wish that you could move on. If too much time elapsed when I woken up and you're gone, I would chase you all over agai...
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